Old Friends New Decisions

It hit me today how long I've actually been gone. Looking at the pictures of my friends, so much has changed in what I thought was a short time. I spoke with my friend Heather tonight, we were inseparable at Northwest. Really a wonderful friend. She has a new boyfriend now, I've never met him and I wish I could. She is so happy with her life now and I want to be there to experience that with her, when I left she was getting over a long relationship with a horrible guy. I wish I could see her happy and excited about this new life she has in Kansas City.

I talked with Jessica tonight for a bit. She was walking to the subway in NYC to go to her yoga class. We grew up together and this is the longest we've been apart and it is so much harder than I thought it would be. Joan and I are thinking about a big move to NYC, but Heather made Kansas City sound great too. Besides my family and a lot of my friends are there....but NY is so glam and exciting and it is a place Joan and I both have always wanted to experience. We have been looking for jobs and apartments there and are having quite a bit of luck. So maybe it's a good idea?

Tonight I was looking at my old roommates facebook. Her and I were best friends freshman year of college. We had the best room on the 3rd floor, so much in common, yet very different people. We had some really great times. Sophmore year she found a great boyfriend after a rocky relationship with her ex. (Which by the way the same situation happened with her, heather and nikki, weird huh?) I was so happy for her but hated the fact that I was always alone in our room and my best friend was never there. I was in a long distance relationship with Joan and it just wasn't easy to watch. I ended up finding more reasons not to like St.Leo, the money being one of them, and transfered to Northwest.

Have you ever looked at pictures of an old friend, someone who you had amazing times with but grew apart, and your stomach turned? You felt sick? That's the only way I can describe it. Maybe it's this overwhelming sadness mixed with disappointment and regret with a dash of nostalgia. You see the person in the picture, the same person you saw everyday, laughed with, cried with, fought with and it boggles your mind how that same person is with a different friend in that picture-the friend you thought you would be forever. I've tried to stay in touch but no matter what, whether I was a city away or a country away, drifting apart is the same I guess. Same with a lot of my friends at St.Leo. I remember those days like yesterday but if I really sit and think about it, I don't even remember myself back then. I've changed so much.

Now I have friends here (Joan's friends) and I love spending time with them but it's not the same. Joan and I are deciding our next step now and if we have the money I know it has to be the states. Maybe NYC or Florida, I'm not sure yet but at least I'll be so much closer to all the people I love and miss so much.

I told Heather tonight, just as I couldn't do long distance with my boyfriend, I cannot do long distance with my friends. Maybe I'll go back and I won't have a lot of the same friends as I use to, that's ok. The one's that matter will still be there.

Jessica Silanskas, Heather Rose, Heather De Ronde to name a few.

I love Spain and I will miss Joan's family and everyone we've met but I really really miss my girlfriends, my best friends.