Lesson 1

Yesterday it rained harder than ever here in Dublin, and I must not be all that Irish because I never have any luck when it comes to the weather here. As soon as we left, it was like God himself pulled a thick black blanket over the sky and then let it rain non-stop. While standing at a crowded bus stop with strangers, people tend to be quiet. I did a lot of thinking during the 14 minute wait and the 20 minute bus ride into town. I actually wrote this entire post yesterday on the 4A Bus. Sadly, my brilliance has escaped me and I will try to hold on to whatever I can remember.

This post is yet another one of those "life is a rollercoaster" writings or whatever cliche´ you want to use here.

As I sat on the bus and looked out into the city at the things and people I never would have seen if it wasn´t for the man sitting beside me. I thought about senior year of highschool-freshman year of college, first semester, and the one relationship I was in. I´ll call him "C". He was older than I was, a typical bad boy, tattoos, fast car but came from a good family and had his own business. We had a lot of fun together but in the end I was still this shy catholic girl that never wanted to do anything wrong and it was one of those bad timing situations. He taught me a lot about how to take risks and not be afraid to live and let go. I don´t remember leaving on good terms, but I wish he could see the risk-taking woman I have become.

I remember freshman year, second semester and the first real boyfriend I ever had. He was a great guy and we met in the lobby of our dorm playing catch phrase. Our relationship moved quickly and next thing I knew I was flying to Indiana to meet his family. Even today I think about the fun we had and I know I broke his heart. He was my first boyfriend and being so young I wanted to meet more people and experience life. It ended up being ok because he moved back to Indiana after that. I still would talk to him on occasion but phone numbers change and he never checks facebook anymore so it is hard to keep in touch. He taught me to be spontaneous and not be afraid to let someone care about you.

There was Patrick, I met him after who was one of my best guy friends. We had "something going on" as my friends put it. He was also older and we have different views on life. He was very mellow, did the bare-minimum to get by and none of my friends really cared for him. He threw great parties and he taught me how to hold my liquor. One night he asked me to be his girlfriend and I turned him down simply because I knew it wouldn´t work. We were very different and in the long run I knew there would be problems. It didn´t help that I hated this university and was planning on leaving soon. That night after we talked, there was this party by the lake and that is where I met Joan. That was Feb. 2006.

I am with him now and he has shown me (at least part of) the world. I do not regret the choices I have made but If I could go back and do things differently a part of me would. I have done so much growing in the relationship area that It is hard for me to recognize who I was in past relationships. However, you can´t say If I knew then what I know now....because that wouldn´t be life and I wouldn´t have all this experience.

The problem I had in my past is that I wanted to be every guys perfect girlfriend. I wanted to show them fun and excitement, passion and love. I stuck around long enough for them to see all the good and left them with a memory of me as I wanted them to remember me.

I have met other friends along the way, during my time at Northwest there are two great guys that I remember. I only still talk with one of them now, and I hope that doesn´t change. I have made mistakes even the girl that has grown so much since high-school has made mistakes once again. I don´t regret anything because if above all else it put me where I´m at today. Those two men were great to me and I don´t deserve it. Whoever they find to spend the rest of their lives with, she better be good to them. They deserve it.

I made my choice and I am happy with it. I know this choice is one I won´t be looking back on. Everyday I learn something about myself and the way I´m living my life. Everyday something new happens and my plans change. I can´t say I´m not coming back to Northwest for school but I can´t 100% say I am. I guess I won´t know anything about that for awhile.

Joan reads my posts immediately after I write them and in hopes he isn´t upset with my talk of past relationships I will leave him with this:

My relationship now is still growing and we are learning so much about each other every minute of the day. Thursday will mark a month we have been together consecutively. Never in our (almost) 2 years together have we ever been with each other that long. There have been arguments and tears but also long talks and laughter. I cannot yet say what he has taught me, because the lesson isn´t over; but I can say that what I´ve learned from him so far.
Never be afraid to do anything and everything you want to do even it means leaving your old life behind. I´ve also learned that once given the chance, another person can love you unconditionally, without question. I have finally stuck around and he is seeing my flaws in all their glory and still waking up with me each day and loving me all the same.

I´m not sure how to end this so I will just say give some advice from a student at love herself:

Give everyone that chance to know you if you think they´re worth it, and even if you think right now they´re not, people can surprise you. Follow your instincts, 99% of the time you´re right.

C.M.